Chapter 9: Scary Mount Quaffle

Soundtrack: Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars - 'Flubber Mountain' by Mazedude

The duo awoke many hours later; exactly how long they had slept, neither could be certain, but they were well rested, and that was all that mattered to them. Packing up their things, Abner couldn't help but be nervous about their current predicament; the cavern was as dark and quiet as anything could possibly be, and after the test he had just had to pass, he wondered what else Mount Quaffle could possibly throw at him. Before he could let his mind wander down this dark and winding path of disconcerting thoughts, however, Bumpty handed him a torch, and holding an extra for himself, led the way farther into the cave.
Before they had been walking even a few minutes, Abner started to feel strangely anxious. Tripping slightly as he walked, he looked down and saw that he was walking on what seemed to be thin, completely black air.
"Bumpty!" he gasped, looking up. But there was no Bumpty in sight. In fact, the warming light of his torch reflected off of nothing - he was completely alone.
Without warning, he was falling, down into the endless black abyss. The darkness had engulfed his torch, and he could see nothing; not that there was anything to see but an area of space where nothing but he existed. Suddenly, he stopped falling, and was now stuck from the waist down in a substance that felt strangely familiar. Before he could even begin to try and figure out what had just happened, he could see. What he saw, however, didn't help matters. Looking down, he saw that he was stuck in some giant, purple jell-o like substance. Even as he looked at this gelatin trap he found himself in, a face seemed to appear on the surface of it. Looking directly at him, the jelly beast spoke in the most horrifying voice Abner had ever heard.
"I'M AN ABOMINATION, BOY. I HOPE YOU'RE TICKLISH UNDER ALL THAT SILLY MAN-FLESH! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" And with that, the gelatin liquified into a purple water, and Abner sunk into its depths.
Fighting vainly against his continuous descent, Abner suddenly realized where he was - inside the dreaded purple water of the Chemical Plant Zone from Sonic the Hedgehog 2. As he thought this, what he feared the most came to fruition, and that horrible drowning music started, as 5 appeared above his head. Abner desperately tried to swim upwards now. 4. Struggling with every ounce of his being, he kicked his feet. 3. Swimming harder than he ever had in his life, he pushed onwards, but even then realized it was hopeless. 2. Knowing there was no salvation from this horrible fate, still Abner continued upwards. 1. As Abner knew his death toll was coming, he thought of his mother, and how she needed him now. As the 0 appeared above his head, he grabbed a hold of it and swam into the circle, somehow realizing that this was of course the right thing to do.
Without warning, he found himself on solid ground once more, completely dry. Looking wildly around him, his hope fell as he saw he was still surrounded by darkness; Mount Quaffle was not yet done with its latest test.
"COME ON THEN!" Abner screamed into the nothingness, desperate to find Bumpty and get out. "I'M NOT SCARED OF ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO THROW AT ME." In answer to this challenge, a sight erupted in the distance blackness that would have had any grown man shaking in his proverbial boots.
Giant winged pieces of highly burnt toast were soaring straight towards him. But they were not alone; on top of each piece of toast was a familiar villain. Lord Voldemort, Giovanni of Team Rocket, Shredder, Scorpion of Mortal Kombat, Ganondorf, and Hillary Clinton were all flying in his direction, with Dracula at the head of the group. Bearing down upon him in a circle, the group of the most vile characters ever created looked menacingly at Abner.
"But you're...you're all just stereotypical characters of exaggerated evil," Abner stammered. "You can't do this to a real man..."
The group simply laughed at this.
"What is a man?" Dracula asked rhetorically. "A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk, have at you!" At this, the vampire threw his glass of wine at Abner, who barely dodged it, ducking to the ground as all the villains flew at him, missing the boy and hitting one another with sickening crunches.
"How? How is it that I have been so defeated?" Dracula asked in shock as his mangled body lay in ruins beneath his disgustingly burnt piece of toast.
"Er..." Abner started uncertainly, trying to remember the line correctly. "You have been doomed ever since you...ever since you lost the ability... to love...?"
"Ah...sarcasm. 'For what profit is it to man if he gains the world, and loses his own soul?' Matthew 16:26 I believe."
"Uh, right," Abner said as Dracula and the others faded away, and the darkness itself dissipated. Looking ahead, he saw the exit to this hellish cave. Hurrying forward, he looked out and saw that he was now at a summit and was now high above the clouds of the North Pole. Looking around desperately, for any sign of Bumpty, he suddenly saw something that caught his eye.
Running forward, he saw the same old wise seal that had spoken to Bumpty and himself at the bottom of the mountain, seemingly dead. Reaching the body, he bent down and held out his arm to touch it, when a familiar voice spoke from behind him.
"He won't wake ever again, that dear seal." Turning around, Abner saw a sight that made his heart drop - Colonel Karmel was standing 10 feet away from him, chainsaw gun in flipper.