Chapter 5: Cum Dilectione Hominum et Odio Vitiorum

Soundtrack: Kirby's Adventure - 'The Ballad of Sir Kibbles' by Suzumebachi

The two friends ran as fast as their feet could carry them. Abner kept expecting to run into more penguins to block their progress, but to his surprise there was no resistance.
"All the guards will be too busy with the distraction I set up for them," Bumpty panted, answering Abner's unasked question. "That Snuffleupagus they sent after us wasn't the only one they had cooped up in this place."
Running farther from Abner's torture chamber, the two began to hear voices shouting, shouting which was becoming clearer with each and every step. Turning a corner, the two saw the shenanigans that were ensuing; two Snuffleupagi were raging and storming, tearing down entire chunks of wall with every swing of their trunk. As the two were frozen in awe at the spectacle that stood before them, Colonel Karmel looked away from directing his troops and saw the boy and penguin duo. Fear immediately bore down upon Karmel; it was a fear he hadn't known for three years, and one that he thought he had permanently rid himself of. Bumpty, the one who had dared to try and stop him; Bumpty, the only penguin who had the physical strength to even come close to toppling him; Bumpty, the one whose wife had been stolen by him. Realizing now what he was up against, an odd calmness stole through Karmel's whole being; he knew exactly what to do.
Noticing that Karmel was staring directly at him, Bumpty grabbed Abner's arm and began to run back the way they had come. Taking a different turn this time, Bumpty led Abner towards the rear exit, their only chance. Not far down the hall, however, Bumpty forced Abner to stop.
"My boy, you have to promise me something," Bumpty started. "Karmel is going to want to finish me off no matter what the cost, and I can't guarantee that we're going to both be able to get out of here; if I give the word, you must run, regardless of what happens to me. Do you swear?" Abner could only stare in shock at his penguin pal.
"But-"
"Please, Abner, there's nothing that I'll ever ask of you, but your safety is my top priority, and it doesn't do either of us good if we both were to die, now does it?"
"...all right, I promise."
Bumpty smiled at him. Before they could begin to move again, though, a voice issued from inside the door they were standing next to, asking for help in a dangerously weak voice. Looking scared, Bumpty immediately burst through the door.
"Herringway!" the penguin exclaimed.
Following Bumpty inside, Abner saw who had called out for help; another penguin, though this one looked much older than any of the others he had encountered so far. There was something else about this one, though; the air about him just seemed to snap, crackle and pop with wisdom.
"Bumpty, my dear boy!" Herringway yelped in a shocked voice. "If you're here...does that mean...?"
"There's no time for explanations, sir," Bumpty said, simultaneously motioning for Abner to come nearer. "I'm going to have this fine young lad, Abner, penguin-back you out. Colonel Karmel knows we're here, and I'm afraid we've already wasted enough time." At this, Abner crouched down so Herringway could scramble on to his back. Despite how frail this old penguin looked, his warmth was unlike anythin Abner had ever felt. Nodding at Bumpty, the two exited the room and continued down the path they had been running down previously.
Shortly, the three turned another corner and saw light issuing out of the end of the hall. Completely out of breath, Bumpty and Abner ran the last leg of their race back into the cold outdoors. Collapsing into the snow, complete out of breath and blinded by the light, none of the three had seen that they had run straight into a circle of onlookers, which had now closed up ranks to block the path they had just come from. Their eyes quickly adjusting to the light, the three saw Colonel Karmel standing directly before them.
"Bumpty, it truly has been far too long," Karmel said, working around the cuban cigar in his beak. "Tell me, what have you been up to during your three years of banishment from Shiver City?"
"Oh, a little of this, a little of that," Bumpty responded politely. "At first I was rather bored, but I've grown accustomed to the isolation and complete whiteness of it all, you know?"
"No, I don't know. It sounds rather like the joys of a foolish old man though, Bumpty."
"Only the most foolish of children underestimate the advantages of old age, my dear Karmel. Perhaps you'll be able to experience it one day. If you're lucky."
"Luck?" laughed Karmel. "When have I ever needed luck? Luck wasn't a factor when I became ruler of Shiver City, nor was it a factor when your wife left you for me, because I was a real penguin, not some useless aphorism spewing fool like yourself."
"No, you're quite right," Bumpty sighed. "Deception and the greed of both yourself and others were what brought you those prizes, along with my own inaction. I would have hoped that in my three year absence you'd have come to show some remorse for your actions, but I see now that that was hopeful to the point of being silly." As Bumpty said this, he drew his treasured spatula from seemingly nowhere once more. All Colonel Karmel could reply with was a humorless laugh.
"Such things are for the weak. But I see that you're too eager to die to want to continue this conversation any further. Very well. Pluckers, bring me my gun that shoots chainsaws, if you please." Giving a terrified little squeak, the same penguin from inside of Via Penguifico entered the circle, carrying a rather large gun.
"Well then...dance!" Colonel Karmel declared, his cigar dangling dangerously from the end of his beak. Pulling the trigger, a chainsaw did indeed inexplicably erupt from within the barrel of the gun and shot directly at group. Bumpty ducked, while Abner, with Herringway still riding on his back, jumped to the side. Immediately, Karmel continued to shoot chainsaws, all of which were directed at Bumpty.
Bumpty, however, deftly dodged each and every one of them. Bobbing, weaving, twisting, curving, loop-de-looping, belly sliding, and break dancing over, under and around each and every chainsaw that came his way, Bumpty suddenly appeared at Karmel's side, but did not attack. This only served to infuriate Karmel more, however, as he fired more and more chainsaws trying to distance himself, despite how easily Bumpty was avoiding them. Within mere moments, Bumpty was again directly beside the chainsaw shooting maniac, this time grabbing his wing with his own.
"Please end this now, I don't want to hurt you," Bumpty said quietly. Wrenching his wing away, Karmel could only stare. Before Karmel could respond, however, another voice from within the nearby crowd hollered out.
"Don't hurt him, please!" Bumpty looked to his right and saw, his heart skipping a beat, his wife Cherry, who had left him for Karmel; he hadn't seen or spoke to her since that day.
"WHORISH WOMAN, GET BACK TO THE HOUSE AND BAKE ME A CHOCOLATE VICTORY CAKE FOR WHEN I GET HOME!" Karmel yelled, more angry than he had ever been in his life, embarassed to be seen this way. Immediately, Cherry stopped, tears flooding her eyes. Bumpty, at a loss for words and still in shock over seeing his ex wife so suddenly, didn't notice that Karmel was slowly backing away with the chainsaw gun pointing directly at Bumpty.
"Look out Bumpty!" Cherry called. Tearing his sights from her, Bumpty reacted instinctively, parrying the oncoming chainsaw with his spatula. The chainsaw flew backwards, and as every eye watched it and knew what was going to happen, it seemed to hang absurdly in mid-air for hours, until finally falling down upon Colonel Karmel, ending the devilish penguin's life in just about as horrible a way as could be imagined.
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the crowd of penguins all erupted into a deafening cheer. Seeing their own oppressor being vanquished before their very eyes, bloodily massacred by his own chainsaw no less, was quite theraputic. Everyone look upon him as some kind of savior, but Bumpty had eyes for only Abner and Herringway. He began to slowly make his way towards them, only to feel someone grab a hold of his shoulder. Turning around, he saw that it was his ex-wife Cherry.
"Bumpty, I'm so sorry about...well, everything," Cherry said. "But please, I'm a different person than I was then. Please, please, I beg you, forgive me for everything I did." Bumpty, having dreamt of this moment for three long years, could only look at her; he looked deep into Cherry's eyes, and they were still the same eyes of the penguin he had fallen in love with all those years ago. However, in his fantasies, things had been different; he had been able to take her back without hesitation, because in the end, wasn't that what love was all about? But now, looking into the eyes of the woman who had both given made him more happy than anything else in the world and more miserable than he had ever thought possible, he found that he couldn't do it.
"You ask me for forgiveness after what you've done? Because of you, colors lost their vibrancy; food has no taste; music is but so much noise. I have lived that half-life for three years now, always wondering what was wrong with me, only to now realize it was not any fault of mine, but yours. And yet I still love you with every ounce of my being; of course I forgive you Cherry. But I will never forget the cruelty you displayed towards me on account of your own woeful ignorance. I loved you more than I thought I could ever love a single person, and yet you threw it all away for a life that you thought would be easier. Even now, you only ask this of me because you fear the uncertainty of your future. What lies ahead for you I do not know, but it's a path that I will never walk upon with you again. Goodbye, Cherry." And he left her standing there by herself, tears flowing freely from her eyes.
Finally making his way over to where Abner and Herringway still stood waiting for him, Bumpty was greeted by smiles from both.
"Abner was just telling me of what you two are setting out to do," Herringway started. "Come with me back to Via Penguifico; I have much to tell you."