About the Author: The Revenge

Matthew Michael Murray, born November 15th, 1989, has been called by some "the literary mastermind of our generation". By most, however, he has just been called a dork. Either one is cool with him though; "you say tomato, I say Sour Patch Watermelons" has always been his mantra. His favorite activities include (but are not limited to) hugs, watching TBS when Legally Blonde isn't on, and not being harassed by gang members. Writing is just a temporary gig until he has enough money to buy a candy factory and a hovercraft, and not necessarily in that order. And, contrary to popular belief, he is not a fan of Burt Reynolds, so stop asking.

Chapter 14: Mother

Soundtrack: NiGHTS into Dreams... 'Escape into the Twilight' by Skrypnyk

The doctors had said Abner's mother only had a few months to live. Sometimes, however, doctors can make mistakes.
She lived to take Abner to his driving test. Both times. She was there to fawn and ask embarassing questions when Abner informed her that he was bringing a girl home for dinner for the first time. She was around to cry and take pictures when her son graduated high school. She was still in well enough health to worry about Abner's when he broke his leg. She was the first person Abner broke the news to when he asked his girlfriend to marry him, and the first to squeal with delight at the news. Now, however, it became apparent that she would not be there to see the two married or the inevitable grandchildren. It hurt her, much more so than she let on to Abner, but she wouldn't, could not, let him know.
Abner's mother had been hospital ridden for the past few weeks, and her condition was in a clear and obvious decline. There was simply not much time left.
Abner himself had barely left her side the whole time, choosing instead to sleep at her bedside. As a man of 25 with a career and a fiancee at home, it was hard, but he flat out refused to leave his mother by herself when it happened.
As he awoke on the 23rd day of her hospitalization, Abner looked into her eyes and his heart broke; she was weakened to such a state that it was clear it was a struggle simply to look at him, and yet he knew that she had been for hours, waiting for him to get up. It was time.
"You will al..ways be...always be loved...my Ab..." she said weakly, still looking directly into his eyes and smiling.
"I know mom...you too...no matter what," Abner replied. As he took her fragile, cold hand into his of strength and warmth, a single tear broke through Abner's resolve. Still smiling at him, his mother closed her eyes, and within seconds, the grip of her hand went limp in his.
He knew he should get up and inform a nurse, or maybe a doctor, but decided that he would sit there for just a little while longer, holding her hand. Sure, there were other things that should be being done at this point, but none of it mattered much at the moment; it would all still be there for him later.

Chapter 13: And He Returned Home

Soundtrack: Final Fantasy 8 - 'Fisherman's Revelation' by Bladiator and Tepid

He was flying. Towards what, he didn't know, but he was warm, and that was all that mattered. As the bright whiteness started to get to Abner, colors suddenly burst into view on all sides; the sky was a clear and pleasant azure; for the first time in weeks there were green trees; and to top it all off, he could see the metallic glint of what surely had to be cars in the road below. Before he could stop taking in these welcome sights and wondering how on earth he was supposed to survive such a fall, Abner noticed that he was slowly floating downwards, and decided not to worry about where he was being taken, instead feeling very much so like Charlie Bucket in the Wonkavator, noting that the only thing that could have made this situation even better was to have Gene Wilder with his spiffy top hat and purple coat with him on this magical descent back to a civilization he had been a part of.
After a few minutes of more pleasant downward floating, Abner found his feet making contact with the veranda of the apartment where he and his mother lived. Barely able to contain his excitement at seeing her again, he quickly slide the door open and ran into the apartment, expecting her to be waiting there for him in her favorite seat on the shabby couch. Looking around, however, he could see that she wasn't there, and proceeded to do a quick check of every room. Considering the size of the apartment, this did not take long. Realizing she simply wasn't there at all, Abner ran out into the hallway, down the steps and out into the street, not entirely sure of where he was going, only knowing that he was going somewhere.
Running along street after street, Abner was only vaguely taking in the familiar sights and people; some greeted him with shock or glee, but Abner just ignored them and kept running, farther and farther along a path that he did not know the outcome to.
Stopping, finally unable to run any farther and grabbing at the stitch in his chest, Abner looked around. Then, his heart skipping a beat, he saw his mother's car heading his way. Knowing full well what he was about to do was the epitome of silly, he ran into the middle of the street, waving his arms above his head, signaling to his mother. She came to a screeching halt, jumping out of the car to run towards him.
Behind him, Abner could hear the sounds of a great deal of cars honking at him, but as his mother hugged him like she hadn't seen him in years, he found them easy to ignore. She held him for minutes, and he held her back, not caring about anything else in the world but the warmth he felt on both the inside and the out. Finally, she slowly pulled apart from Abner, looking him up and down with the widest eyes he'd ever seen on her.
"Ab...how, where have you...that was a ridiculously dangerous thing to do!" she finally managed to get out.
Abner couldn't help but smile.
"Mom, sometimes there just comes a time for throwing caution to the wind."

Chapter 12: Santa Claus

Soundtrack: The Great Giana Sisters - 'Giana's Homecoming' by Polar

After everything that he had been through, Abner could only stare in numb disbelief at the sight that was before him - Santa sitting in a comfortable chair in front of a cozy fireplace. It was hard to even believe that there were still such things in this world as warmth and comfort.
"Ho ho ho," Santa chuckled as Abner continued to stare. "Why don't you take a seat dear boy, while I get us some refreshments."
As Abner sat down, Santa moved up from his seat with a surprising amount of speed for someone so old and plump; it was almost supernatural. Then again, Abner thought to himself, to do all the things that Santa did he must have some kind of magic about him.
Just as supernatural seemed to be this house. It was small and on top of an invisible mountain that stretched well beyond the sky's limits, and yet Abner felt like he was home. It didn't hurt that he hadn't sat in a chair or been warm enough to take off his jacket in over a week, either.
"Here we are," Santa said as he brought in a tray of hot cocoa, freshly baked cookies, and a pack of Sour Patch Watermelons, setting it on the table between them. Taking a cup of cocoa for himself, Santa smiled at Abner. "The rest is all yours, my boy."
Only now, looking at the tray full of goodies did Abner realize just how hungry he was. Muttering a quick "thanks", Abner immediately hulked out all over the food, devouring every last bit of it, while Santa looked on happily. As Abner masticated the final cookie, Santa set his cup of cocoa down.
"Now, how about we talk about why you've come, Abner," Santa said. "As good as my cookies are I'm relatively sure you didn't come just for those."
Abner nodded, finishing his cookie as he did so. After having come so far, all the challenges he had faced and somehow overcome, he figured it would have been easy to tell this story, but if anything it was even harder. Taking a deep breath and looking directly into Santa's eyes, he began.
"Sir, it's my mother. She's been sick for the past couple years, and she finally went into the doctor's last month, and it's terminal. They said she only has a few months left, and there's nothing anyone can do. She's the only family I really have left, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost her. She's always been the only one I have, and if she's not there anymore, I don't know how I'm supposed to go on. And she's always been such a good person, it's not fair that she has to go now. Please, Santa, there has to be something you can do, I've come all this way, I've been through so much, all just to give her some kind of chance." Tears were in Abner's eyes as he finished, not just because of the tale he had just told, but because as he looked at Santa, he somehow knew that not even he could do anything.
"My dear boy, I'm sorry, but there's nothing that I can do," Santa said, and Abner could tell, despite his anger and disappointment, that he genuinely was sorry. "You are not the first to come to Mount Qaf looking for a miracle, and nor will you be the last. I understand why you hurt so much, and why you've come here. And for someone so young, you have a much better handle on the ways of things than most men three times your age, and so I will say this, knowing full well that you will be able to understand it. Maybe not now, but eventually.
"The real miracles in this world are the ones with no form; even if you obtain or lose it, you do not notice. Yes, the miracle that you're asking for is something that is impossible; but the miracle that you're going to get is that, despite how much you hurt, despite how much you want to give up, you will find the will to go on. Even when you lose someone you care deeply about, you will still, somehow, manage to find it in you to love, despite the fear of losing them."
"So you're saying that I'll have to always live with pain and loss, regardless of the choices I make? Then what's the point? It comes down to the same thing then." Abner could barely refrain from shouting.
"It absolutely does not come down to the same thing," Santa responded warmly. "Look at what happened to Karmel; he suffered many losses similar to yours. But he did not know the love that you do; his mother was not anywhere near as strong or as kind as yours is."
Abner considered this for a while. It was true; as much as he had hurt lately, he could never let himself become anything like Karmel.
"But what about my mother? She doesn't want to die, and you're telling me she has to?"
"Ho ho ho, of course she doesn't want to die, Abner. But you know as well as I do that your mother is someone who is not afraid of death. She of course does not want to leave you, but my guess is that she is quite confident in your ability to carry on, and my guesses are usually right. Of course, I feel the need to remind you that her great love for you coupled with your current absence is causing her a bit of heartache."
The two continued to look at each other in silence, Santa smiling benignly, Abner lost in thought but starting to understand.
"So, all I have to do is have inner-strength, is what you're saying?" Abner asked after a while.
"That, coupled with action," Santa said, nodding. "As long as you have those things, the rest should always fall into place."
Abner stood up abruptly.
"I have to go home."
"Ho ho ho, that you do my boy," Santa said, standing up as well. "And that, I'm happy to say, is a request with which I can give desired results. There is, however, one thing I'd like you to do for me Abner."
Abner looked questioningly at Santa.
"Everything you've learned, the friends you have lost, all of your dreams that have faded...never forget them, Abner."
Before he could respond, everything suddenly became blindingly white.

Chapter 11: Weepy Mount Quaffle

Soundtrack: Donkey Kong Country 2 - 'Lanterns' by Radiowar

Abner stared at the spot where Bumpty's face had disappeared. Surely this could not be happening, none of it could be real. This was impossible, there was no way that Bumpty could be gone.
"BUMPTY!" he screamed with every ounce of strength still left in his lungs, as if he was dying. "BUMPTY, PLEASE, YOU CAN'T! YOU CAN'T BE-" Abner stopped, refusing to say the word; saying it outloud would only make what had just happened final, and he couldn't handle facing the simple, horrifying truth. Instead, he ran, stumbling, to the edge where Bumpty had fallen, simply to look down. Peering over the mountain, he expected Bumpty to somehow still be there, alive and with that same old penguin smile. But as he looked downwards, seeing nothing but smooth rock and the cloudline below, he knew. Bumpty would never keep him waiting, especially when Abner was screaming for him as if his life depended on it. The truth was that Bumpty was gone.
'No, not gone,' Abner thought to himself. 'He hasn't left to go the grocery store to pick up some milk and Sour Patch Kids; he's dead. He'll never laugh, or cry, or have hopes and dreams again. He's dead, and he's left me here, and I can't do this anymore.'
The boy sank to his knees, and the tears streamed freely on to his face, the harsh North Pole winds stinging. None of it mattered anymore, it was all pointless; his quest to find Santa Clause suddenly seemed even more childish than it already had. He just wanted to go home to his mother; surely she would understand that he couldn't do it, and that he had tried. These thoughts, however, just made Abner cry even harder. Shuddering, he completely collapsed to the ground; his will was completely shot.
'Please, just let me die here. There's nothing left, I tried everything, and instead of making things better I've just made them worse. I don't deserve to live; it's my fault Bumpty's gone.'
Before these thoughts could consume Abner, he heard Bumpty's voice in his head.
'My dear boy! Nothing is your fault; I chose to give up my life for your sake. Without you, I'd have never returned to Shiver City to redeem myself and liberate my fellow penguins. To top it all off, you're the first friend I've had in years, and the only true one I feel I've ever had. Ensuring your safety to Santa Clause is the least I could do to repay you. But you won't be doing either me or yourself a service by just sitting here moping about it. Now get up!'
Smiling despite himself, Abner slowly got to his feet. Looking at the path ahead of him leading up the mountain while ignoring the rather sickly sight of the torn apart Wise Seal, Abner realized that he had come too far to give up now. It was true; his greatest protector had died for him, but that sacrifice would be in vain if he were to stay here now. Carrying onward was really the only option.
Abner walked onward. The pain of loss still tore at him from the inside, but it was somehow lesser, more distant; a terrible storm somewhere far off on the horizon. As much as he wanted to not only grieve, but give up on the world entirely, Abner knew he couldn't. Not when so many people depended on him.
And still he walked onward.
His mother was in desperate need of him now, and regardless of what Mount Quaffle and Santa Claus had in store for him, he had to get home as soon as physically possible. And then there were all the other people in his life; his friends, who had always known Abner as the consummate optimist - what would they say to him if he were to let the world back him into a corner like this?
The trail was becoming wider.
If there was one thing he had learned while on this insane, non-sensical journey to the North Pole, it was that he had to be his own umbrella through the weather. As much love as he had for the people in his life, and even though he knew they would do anything for him, the childish dream of always having someone there to protect him had to die along with Bumpty. Loving is a strength, yes, but he no longer could live for other people; he had to live for himself.
Abruptly, the path ended, and Abner looked upwards; the aurora borealis had come into view, and a flock of seagulls drifted lazily by (how these things were happening so high up was anyone's guess). And there, a mere 50 feet from where he stood, stood a small house made out of what appeared to be emerald. Somehow, Abner knew he had made it; this was not some final trick of Mount Quaffle's. Elated with having finally made it, Abner seemed to float over to the door. He reached up to knock on the door, and immediately, as if he had been expected, a deep, warm voice called "Come in."
Abner opened the door, and walked into a small yet unbelievably cozy room. Looking around, Abner saw two inviting seats facing each other in front of a fireplace with a table in between them. One of the chairs was empty, and in the other sat-
"Santa!" Abner gasped.
"Ho ho ho," the jolly red clothed plump man answered. "Yes, my dear Abner."

Chapter 10: Angry Mount Quaffle

Soundtrack: Cheetahman II - 'Livin' Large!' by Another Soundscape

"But you-" Abner started.
"Were grotesquely torn limb from limb by a chainsaw?" Karmel finished humorlessly. "Yes. Yes I was. Where is my beloved Bumpty, by the by?"
"You can't be here though, you're dead," Abner said, ignoring the question in the hopes that it would go away with the sudden reappearance of Bumpty.
"I had matters to attend to before I could go on," Karmel continued in the same casual voice, as if this simple explanation could account for his rise from the dead.
Abner could only stare at the horrible little penguin in awe; surely this was just another test of Mount Quaffle. And yet, something told him that that wasn't the case. Attempting for stall for time, for what reason he didn't know, Abner carried the conversation.
"Matters...like what?"
Colonel Karmel looked at Abner with a look of restrained anguish for a few moments, the first sign of emotion he had shown since his reappearance, and finally spoke.
"I was born into a family that was stationed at the bottom of the social ladder, thanks to a broken Shiver City. The leader at that time was regarded as kind and caring; he never waged war, always tried to help the lower class, and was a gentle speaker. But when my older brother grew sick, my parents couldn't afford the medical treatment for long. Our entire savings were gone within weeks in a futile attempt to make things better. As we sat in the hospital room at his side for days at a time, I would look out the window and see the other side of town; the rich penguins, the ones who didn't have to worry about their children growing sick, the ones who were blind to our plight, all because of a leader who refused at all costs to ever wage war, keeping our economy down. His gentle speaking did nothing to heal my brother; his inaction cost my brother his life.
"After my brother died, my parents both lost their will to carry on at all, let alone take care of a less talented younger child such as myself. My mother died within weeks, and my father drank himself to death. I was alone; alone in a world that favored those who could disregard the feelings of others and only worry about their own needs. At last, I could take care of only myself, every other penguin be damned.
"Not having to worry about anyone's happiness but my own, I was able to rise in the social ladder quite quickly. As a good looking, reasonably skilled orphan penguin, people were very quick to sympathize with me, you see. In less than 10 years of my whole family's death, I found myself within inches of a seat of power. Naturally, I did what I felt was best; I killed that old fool of a leader, and then became ruler of Shiver City. After that, I destroyed the social ladder, by striking everyone down into poverty. If I had lived through such a thing, then the others could too. And that's what I've come back for; I can't let that fool Bumpty lead what is rightfully mine."
Abner felt sick; he wished that Karmel would stop talking. As much as he had detested this penguin before, he couldn't help but feel sympathy towards him now. Karmel lost everything, and possibly at the same age that Abner was about to lose the only family member left to him. Would he, too, ultimately end up as a crazed, Snuffleupagus riding, chocolate chip cookie throwing maniac, losing all sympathy for the rest of humanity in the process? As these thoughts rushed through Abner's head, a noise came from the entrance to the cave, and the two looked towards it.
"So, that's why I felt your presence here," Bumpty said, waddling forward, looking tired but completely in charge of the situation as per usual.
At the sight of Bumpty, all of Karmel's prior composure seemed to melt instantaneously, replaced by a cold, hard fury. Wasting no more time with words, he pointed his chainsaw gun directly at Bumpty, who could only sigh.
"We've done this before, and the result will be the same as last time you foolish fellow!"
Ignoring this, Karmel immediately fired shot after chainsaw infused shot at the heroic Bumpty, who proceeded to do his ridiculously awesome tango through said chainsaws. Leaping into the air, and once more pulling a spatula out of seemingly thin air, Bumpty came down, slicing the gun in half like a hot knife through butter, and kicked Karmel in his adorable little penguin chest, sending him sliding several feet forward. Turning away from Karmel, Bumpty looked at Abner with a smile.
"Now that that's over with, let's say we finish this epic quest off, my dear boy." Seeing the look of incredulity on Abner's face, Bumpty spun around to see the most awesomely horrifying thing in the history of ever.
Colonel Karmel was writhing on the ground in what looked like pain. Letting out a blood curdling scream, he started transforming before their eyes. Demonic wings sprouted out of his back; his flippers exploded, leaving seven foot long lobster claws in their wake; a freakishly long neck extended his head upwards, and his bulk increased dramatically. And, for some reason, he had a pirate's eye patch over his right eye. Opening his beak, he shot a stream of high velocity boots directly at Bumpty, who couldn't dodge the footwear in time, and whose right leg broke from an assaulting, highly stylish cowboy boot.
Abner ran forward to grab Bumpty, but a stream of boots heading his way forced him to drop down on to the ground.
"Abner my dear boy, RUN! It's me he wants, you have to get to Santa!" Bumpty screamed, all the while desperately rolling to avoid the latest boot attack headed his way.
"No, I won't!" Abner called out. Leaping upwards, he ran towards his beloved penguin friend, jumping over and ducking over every boot assault. As he was about to reach Bumpty, one of Karmel's newly sprouted lobster claws cold cocked Abner, sending him flying. Landing hard on the mountain's summit, Abner could only look hopelessly on the scene as the lobster clawed demon pirate penguin beared down upon Bumpty. Strangely enough, as Abner's eyes met Bumpty's, the penguin bore only a sad little smile on his face. Understanding between the two was instantaneous, and there where was nothing Abner could do to stop what his friend was about to do.
As Karmel raised his crazy lobster arm, preparing to make a fine penguin paste with it, Bumpty launched himself off the ground with his spatula, ramming straight into Karmel's chest, sending him staggering backwards dangerously close to the edge. Not wasting a second, Bumpty once more launched himself into Karmel, this time hanging onto his head, covering his non-pirate patch'd eye with his free flipper. The monster-ized Karmel could only give a terrible roar, and then Bumpty had jabbed his spatula into the giraffe sized neck, replacing his mighty bellowing with a sickening gurgle. Abner watched in horror as the creature staggered backwards, falling off the edge of Mount Quaffle with Bumpty still hanging on to the creature's head. Somehow, Bumpty managed to grabbed a hold of the edge of the cliff, but even as Abner ran forward to try and help him out, he could tell that something was wrong; Creature Karmel, in one last act of spite, was holding on to Bumpty's already weakened leg.
Before the boy could reach his beloved penguin, Bumpty looked into his eyes one last time.
"Fly, my dear boy!" And at that, Bumpty was pulled off of the edge of Mount Quaffle, disappearing from sight forever.

Chapter 9: Scary Mount Quaffle

Soundtrack: Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars - 'Flubber Mountain' by Mazedude

The duo awoke many hours later; exactly how long they had slept, neither could be certain, but they were well rested, and that was all that mattered to them. Packing up their things, Abner couldn't help but be nervous about their current predicament; the cavern was as dark and quiet as anything could possibly be, and after the test he had just had to pass, he wondered what else Mount Quaffle could possibly throw at him. Before he could let his mind wander down this dark and winding path of disconcerting thoughts, however, Bumpty handed him a torch, and holding an extra for himself, led the way farther into the cave.
Before they had been walking even a few minutes, Abner started to feel strangely anxious. Tripping slightly as he walked, he looked down and saw that he was walking on what seemed to be thin, completely black air.
"Bumpty!" he gasped, looking up. But there was no Bumpty in sight. In fact, the warming light of his torch reflected off of nothing - he was completely alone.
Without warning, he was falling, down into the endless black abyss. The darkness had engulfed his torch, and he could see nothing; not that there was anything to see but an area of space where nothing but he existed. Suddenly, he stopped falling, and was now stuck from the waist down in a substance that felt strangely familiar. Before he could even begin to try and figure out what had just happened, he could see. What he saw, however, didn't help matters. Looking down, he saw that he was stuck in some giant, purple jell-o like substance. Even as he looked at this gelatin trap he found himself in, a face seemed to appear on the surface of it. Looking directly at him, the jelly beast spoke in the most horrifying voice Abner had ever heard.
"I'M AN ABOMINATION, BOY. I HOPE YOU'RE TICKLISH UNDER ALL THAT SILLY MAN-FLESH! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" And with that, the gelatin liquified into a purple water, and Abner sunk into its depths.
Fighting vainly against his continuous descent, Abner suddenly realized where he was - inside the dreaded purple water of the Chemical Plant Zone from Sonic the Hedgehog 2. As he thought this, what he feared the most came to fruition, and that horrible drowning music started, as 5 appeared above his head. Abner desperately tried to swim upwards now. 4. Struggling with every ounce of his being, he kicked his feet. 3. Swimming harder than he ever had in his life, he pushed onwards, but even then realized it was hopeless. 2. Knowing there was no salvation from this horrible fate, still Abner continued upwards. 1. As Abner knew his death toll was coming, he thought of his mother, and how she needed him now. As the 0 appeared above his head, he grabbed a hold of it and swam into the circle, somehow realizing that this was of course the right thing to do.
Without warning, he found himself on solid ground once more, completely dry. Looking wildly around him, his hope fell as he saw he was still surrounded by darkness; Mount Quaffle was not yet done with its latest test.
"COME ON THEN!" Abner screamed into the nothingness, desperate to find Bumpty and get out. "I'M NOT SCARED OF ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO THROW AT ME." In answer to this challenge, a sight erupted in the distance blackness that would have had any grown man shaking in his proverbial boots.
Giant winged pieces of highly burnt toast were soaring straight towards him. But they were not alone; on top of each piece of toast was a familiar villain. Lord Voldemort, Giovanni of Team Rocket, Shredder, Scorpion of Mortal Kombat, Ganondorf, and Hillary Clinton were all flying in his direction, with Dracula at the head of the group. Bearing down upon him in a circle, the group of the most vile characters ever created looked menacingly at Abner.
"But you're...you're all just stereotypical characters of exaggerated evil," Abner stammered. "You can't do this to a real man..."
The group simply laughed at this.
"What is a man?" Dracula asked rhetorically. "A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk, have at you!" At this, the vampire threw his glass of wine at Abner, who barely dodged it, ducking to the ground as all the villains flew at him, missing the boy and hitting one another with sickening crunches.
"How? How is it that I have been so defeated?" Dracula asked in shock as his mangled body lay in ruins beneath his disgustingly burnt piece of toast.
"Er..." Abner started uncertainly, trying to remember the line correctly. "You have been doomed ever since you...ever since you lost the ability... to love...?"
"Ah...sarcasm. 'For what profit is it to man if he gains the world, and loses his own soul?' Matthew 16:26 I believe."
"Uh, right," Abner said as Dracula and the others faded away, and the darkness itself dissipated. Looking ahead, he saw the exit to this hellish cave. Hurrying forward, he looked out and saw that he was now at a summit and was now high above the clouds of the North Pole. Looking around desperately, for any sign of Bumpty, he suddenly saw something that caught his eye.
Running forward, he saw the same old wise seal that had spoken to Bumpty and himself at the bottom of the mountain, seemingly dead. Reaching the body, he bent down and held out his arm to touch it, when a familiar voice spoke from behind him.
"He won't wake ever again, that dear seal." Turning around, Abner saw a sight that made his heart drop - Colonel Karmel was standing 10 feet away from him, chainsaw gun in flipper.

Chapter 8: Weary Mount Quaffle

Soundtrack: Super Mario Bros. 3 - 'Of Mind and Body' by Evahn

With every step that he took, Abner's misgivings grew in indirect proportion to his willpower to keep going. The two had been walking in silence for hours, but they didn't seem to be making any progress; the mountain just seemed to go on at this level for all time.
"Surely something has to give," Abner thought to himself. "Otherwise Herringway wouldn't have-" And then it hit him like a proverbial ton of bricks; an urge to sleep so bad that he found it nearly irresistible. Noting that there wasn't much point to resist anyway, Abner fell asleep mid-step, collapsing on the snowy trail.

There was a sharp tapping. Not wanting to wake up, Abner pulled the blanket over his head. Louder tapping ensued, followed by a warm, most familiar voice.
"Ab, dear, it's time to wake up." Bewildered at what was happening, Abner could only continue to lay under his blanket in a complete state of flabbergastment. When no sound of him rising could be heard, he could hear his mother opening the door and making her way to his bed. Gently grabbing the covers, she pulled them off and looked down. She was just as pretty as she always had been, with long, shiny black hair, a kind smile and the most loving green eyes Abner had ever seen. Still in complete shock, Abner didn't even notice the black, formal attire she was wearing today.
"Honey," his mother said as she sat down next to him, looking him full in the face, with a warmhearted smile across her lips. "I know what you must be feeling; you loved your nana, and she loved you back with all her heart, so facing the world and all of its crap seems even doubly hard today. And seeing the rest of your father's side of the family today certainly isn't going to help matters. But as comfortable and warm as this mattress is, as appealing as it sounds to give up and lay here forever, it's simply not an option. If it were up to me, you'd never have to feel this kind of hurt, and having anyone to deal with this pain, let alone an eight year old, is no small thing to ask. But Ab baby, just remember; there are always reasons to stay and avoid all the pain, but there are even more reasons to fight through it and go out into the world to make your own happiness."
As his mother hugged him, Abner realized where he was - it was the week after his 8th birthday; the birthday when his mother had received the phone call that his grandma on his dad's side of the family had passed away. Today was the funeral.
Abner hugged his mother back with all his might. How he had ever taken her for granted over the years, and even treated her so badly in his early teen years, he could not answer. If he had known what was to happen to her, he would have done things differently, certainly. But what did it all matter, when she was here with him now? With a crushing realization, however, Abner knew that this was all just some dream; his real body was on Mount Quaffle somewhere in the middle of the North Pole, probably freezing to death.
'What does it matter?' Abner thought to himself. 'Just because all of this is happening in my head doesn't make it any less real.' But then he thought of all that his mother had just told him; how he had to confront the sadness in his life in the hopes of finding new happiness. Sure, staying here with a shadow of his mother in the past was an option, but in giving in and sleeping while the rest of the world carried on, how much else would he have to give up? All of his friends were waiting for him back home, not having a clue of where he was. Not to mention his penguin companion Bumpty, who was surely trying his hardest to save his body from frostbite. And then there was his real mother, who was slowly but surely dying even as he sat here, and the whole reason he had come to find Santa Claus. Letting all of this sink in, Abner was suddenly consumed with a manic energy to finish what he had started, no matter how hard things were going to get. And as this final epiphany hit him, his surroundings started to become white and fuzzy.
Abner hugged his mother even tighter, trying to put all of his love for her into his embrace. And it seemed that she understood, as she held him even tighter, and as the last of this image dissipated, he thought he could hear her sniffle.

Opening his eyes, Abner saw that he was not alone; Bumpty was sitting in front of a fire a few feet away. Noticing that he was stirring, the penguin hurried over.
"My dear boy!" Bumpty exclaimed. "You gave this old ticker a terrile fright indeed!"
"What happened?" Abner asked, not sure of where he was; they seemed to be in a cave.
"You just collapsed as we were walking; I thought something had happened, but you were still breathing; it was as if you were in a deep sleep. So I picked you up to carry you, and almost immediately the path lead me to a cave in the mountain. I carried you inside a ways, and when we were far enough away from the entrance I set you down and made this fire."
"Ugh," Abner groaned, trying to sit up but giving up the prospect immediately. "How long was I out for?"
"Only about an hour," Bumpty replied, looking concerned. "Look, neither of us has had much sleep as of late, and I think scaling this ridiculously named mountain is what did it, Abner. Why don't we call it a day from here, so you can recollect your strength and we can press on tomorrow?"
"All right, that sounds great Bumpty," Abner responded gratefully; he didn't think he would be able to stand up if his life depended on it. As Bumpty unpacked more supplies from Abner's pack, Abner laid there, thinking to himself.
'Bumpty's right; climbing the mountain is what made that happen, but not in the way he thinks it did. What Herringway said about the things on this mountain being spiritually and emotionally taxing was right. But then what else is Mount Quaffle going to show me before I can get to Santa Claus?'
And with these quandries in mind, Abner fell into a much more restful slumber than the one he had just come out of.

Chapter 7: There Is So Much a Seal Can Tell You

Soundtrack: Final Fantasy 7 - 'Serenity' by Mustin

"This...this is it then, you think?" Abner asked as he stared, open-mouthed, at the spiraling mountain that had suddenly appeared in the distance, when only a few minutes prior there had been no such thing in the horizon.
"Look at how high it goes," Bumpty said, looking upwards. "It goes beyond the clouds. I've never seen anything like it; it goes so high, but the shape of it and the way it spirals makes it look like it was man-made."
The two could only stand there. They had been following Herringway's map for the past five days, each day growing more and more hopeless when they saw no mountain in the distance. And now that they finally did see Mount Quaffle, the impossibility of the situation beared its weight on them from all sides: how were they supposed to scale something like that?
"Well," Bumpty said, gaining the confidence in his voice back. "Before we start worrying about how to climb it, we should probably make our way to the mountain itself, my dear boy." Abner nodded, and continued to lead the way, folding up Herringway's map and putting it in his pocket.

Though it seemed they were still many miles away from Mount Quaffle, the two made it to the base of the mountain in what seemed like just a few short hours. Looking all around, however, they could find no path that they were supposed to follow, or even jutting rocks to climb; as Bumpty had said, the perfect formation of the mountain could not have been possible in the rough and inaccurate hands of mother nature. Even in deciding to walk around the base of the mountain, the two could find no possible way to begin their journey.
"Perhaps Herringway forgot to tell us something?" Bumpty thought aloud as the duo slumped down in the snow, completely clueless as to how they were supposed to surmount this obstacle.
"No, I don't think so," Abner said slowly. "There has to be something we're missing. Maybe...maybe there's some kind of...magic word we need to say to get through?"
"A magic word?" Bumpty asked incredulously. "My dear boy, I don't know..."
But Abner had already started saying every magic word he could think of.
"Abra! Cadabra! Alakazam! Machop! Hocus Pocus! Sarah Jessica Parker! Open sesame! Mr. Cooper! Sim sala bim! Johhny Quest! Hurm...David Blaine! Jesus Christ! Please? Um...what's the dwarvish word for friend?"
"'The dwarvish word for friend'!?" Bumpty looked blankly at Abner and then started laughing harder than he had laughed in a long time. "My dear boy, I can't say that I'm much well versed in how to speak dwarvish. Ahhh, dwarvish; that just seals this who-" Bumpty stopped mid-sentence, as there was suddenly a blindingly bright light that had appeared before the both of them, along with what sounded like some kind of singing, though for all they knew it could have just been the howl of the wind. As the light faded, the singing grew strong, until sitting before them there was a seal singing the most beautiful song that either of them had ever heard.

There used to be a graying tower alone on the sea.
You became the light on the dark side of me.
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and
The light that you shine can be seen.

As the seal finished its wonderful tune, both Abner and Bumpty could only stand in place, transfixed and craving more. Though neither said anything aloud, they both felt that the song was coming, not from a seemingly magical teleporting seal, but from within their own hearts; that this most wonderful of wonders had been lying dormant in their soul, waiting to burst forth and shower the world in its greatness, and this seal was the catalyst to start it all.
"You who have come here out of your own selflessness," the seal said in a deep, reassuring voice that reminded Abner of warm butter, and who wished for nothing more than to bathe in the dulcet tones of this mystical seal. "That which you seek can indeed be found on this mountain, but you will have to battle your own inner demons to obtain that goal. Keep both your hearts and your minds pure, and you will surely succeed."
And with that, the bright light returned, and when it dissipated once more, the seal was gone, though in its place was a stone archway, under which there was a path leading up the mountain.

Chapter 6: The Knowledge of a Wise Old Penguin is Infallible

Soundtrack: Metroid Prime 3: Corruption - 'Yellow Valkyrie' by DarkeSword

After escaping the many hip hips, hoorahs, three cheers, back clappings, head rufflings, wolf calls, penguin equivalents of high fives, offers of both dinner and drinks, and winkings from the numerous lady penguins who were now big fans, Bumpty and his two companions made their way back into Via Penguifico, and right outside the very same cell that Herringway had been rescued from after three years of solitude. Both Abner and Bumpty couldn't help wondering why the elder penguin had wanted to come here to talk; surely not for the pleasant memories. And indeed, the poor old penguin closed his eyes, in an apparent attempt to steel himself for going back into his recently escaped prison. After a few moments, he opened his cute little penguin eyes back up, smiled at the other two, and lead them inside.
"So, Santa Claus," Herringway started as he walked in and plopped down on top of a small, camp bed. "You are certainly not the first to come looking for old Saint Nick, nor will you be the last. The hunt for Kriss Kringle is, undeniably, something that has always fascinated the young, as well as the young at heart. Luckily for you, despite my undeniable oldness, I too never gave up the dream of finding Father Christmas. I spent many years of my considerably long life researching the matter, but by the time I discovered the answer, I had already found what I was looking for, without the help of Santa. And thus I saved these findings for another day, another person, someone who needed a bit of divine intervention. And judging by your looks, I'd say you are beyond a doubt in need of some grand omnipotent power."
"How can you tell?" Abner asked. "I mean, tell that I'm not just some kid who wants a giraffe for Christmas or something."
"My dear boy," Herringway chuckled. "Would someone of your age face down such ridiculous obstacles as Snuffleupagi and a maniacal chainsaw-shooting-gun weilding dictator penguin with a taste for torturing victims with chocolate chip cookies, all to ask Santa Claus for a giraffe? No, of course they wouldn't. Your need obviously supercedes even your own safety, that much is clear. And believe me, the aforementioned roadblocks are far from the top of the list when it comes to making it to your goal. But alas, I am getting ahead of myself."
The old penguin got up from his bed and adorably waddled over to the corner of the room. Gingerly lifting what was apparently a loose part of the floor, he set it aside and stuck his wing into the depths, a few moments later pulling out a few musty old pieces of parchment. He then moved back over to his bed, and with a typical old man groan, sat back down, putting on a pair of reading glasses that made him look, if possible, even cuter.
"In older times," Herringway began, adjusting his glasses. "It was a belief of some that the earth was surrounded by a series of mountains called Qaf, and it was said that this mountain range found roots in the very depth of the earth, and were the connection to heaven itself. Perhaps the most famous tale involving this mountain is the story of Alexander the Great, who climbed to its peak on his hunt for the water of life and met an angel who was waiting to blow the trumpet on judgment day. Now, of course, there is no such mountain range in current existance, and Alexander the Great was never at the north pole. However, putting these two ideas together, the earth encompassing mountain range and a man with a will just as strong as one, I came up with a theory that I believe to be correct; the mountain range of Qaf does not exist on earth, at least as a whole. But, when someone goes in search of it, and if that person has the proper intentions, an individual mountain of Qaf should appear before them, at which point they are given the chance to attempt to scale it."
"So we have to find this spot ourselves!?" Abner asked in shock. "How do we go about looking for an invisible mountain when it could be anywhere?"
"Oh ho, I'm glad to see you understand the severity of the situation, but on the whole, I think not." At this, Herringway passed on one of his pieces of old parchment to Abner, who upon looking at it, discovered that it was a map of the north pole. "As I said, I spent many years of my life trying to find Santa Claus, which eventually lead to my discovery of Qaf. I myself mapped out every square inch of the North Pole, and though I have never seen it with my own eyes, I do believe I have discovered where the nearest Qaf mountain lies, which, if you look at the map, I have dubbed Mount Quaffle."
Abner looked at him inquisitively.
"I must admit, I am quite the fan of Harry Potter, and I wished to add some distinction between each mountain of Qaf while still retaining a naming motif, and the opportunity presented itself," Herringway replied with a smile.
"And what of the dangers you mentioned before, sir?" Bumpty asked, having taken in all of this new information up until now silently.
"Ahhhh," Herringway sighed. "As for that, I can not be sure. My guess, however, is that these things will be far more taxing on the spirit and emotions than a Snuffleupagus. Still, as long as you two stick together, I have the feeling you'll come out just fine."
Abner nodded, but Bumpty looked guilty. Reading his thoughts correctly, Herringway responded.
"You have done more for Shiver City than any other penguin before, Bumpty, and for that you should be most proud of yourself. I know you worry now that if you leave all you will have to come back to is another dictator, just as vile and horrid as Karmel was. But remember that these penguins have suffered for the past three years just as you have, and you showed them all, in a very public display I might add, what the will of one can accomplish. Do not fear for your fellow penguins now; now is their time of new beginnings. And speaking of which, the two of you better leave as soon as possible, before they'll want to elect Bumpty to the recently vacated leadership position." At this, Bumpty looked positively alarmed.
"S-surely n-not, sir...?" he stammered. Herringway and Abner just laughed as the trio made their way out of the depressing Via Penguifico without looking back.

Chapter 5: Cum Dilectione Hominum et Odio Vitiorum

Soundtrack: Kirby's Adventure - 'The Ballad of Sir Kibbles' by Suzumebachi

The two friends ran as fast as their feet could carry them. Abner kept expecting to run into more penguins to block their progress, but to his surprise there was no resistance.
"All the guards will be too busy with the distraction I set up for them," Bumpty panted, answering Abner's unasked question. "That Snuffleupagus they sent after us wasn't the only one they had cooped up in this place."
Running farther from Abner's torture chamber, the two began to hear voices shouting, shouting which was becoming clearer with each and every step. Turning a corner, the two saw the shenanigans that were ensuing; two Snuffleupagi were raging and storming, tearing down entire chunks of wall with every swing of their trunk. As the two were frozen in awe at the spectacle that stood before them, Colonel Karmel looked away from directing his troops and saw the boy and penguin duo. Fear immediately bore down upon Karmel; it was a fear he hadn't known for three years, and one that he thought he had permanently rid himself of. Bumpty, the one who had dared to try and stop him; Bumpty, the only penguin who had the physical strength to even come close to toppling him; Bumpty, the one whose wife had been stolen by him. Realizing now what he was up against, an odd calmness stole through Karmel's whole being; he knew exactly what to do.
Noticing that Karmel was staring directly at him, Bumpty grabbed Abner's arm and began to run back the way they had come. Taking a different turn this time, Bumpty led Abner towards the rear exit, their only chance. Not far down the hall, however, Bumpty forced Abner to stop.
"My boy, you have to promise me something," Bumpty started. "Karmel is going to want to finish me off no matter what the cost, and I can't guarantee that we're going to both be able to get out of here; if I give the word, you must run, regardless of what happens to me. Do you swear?" Abner could only stare in shock at his penguin pal.
"But-"
"Please, Abner, there's nothing that I'll ever ask of you, but your safety is my top priority, and it doesn't do either of us good if we both were to die, now does it?"
"...all right, I promise."
Bumpty smiled at him. Before they could begin to move again, though, a voice issued from inside the door they were standing next to, asking for help in a dangerously weak voice. Looking scared, Bumpty immediately burst through the door.
"Herringway!" the penguin exclaimed.
Following Bumpty inside, Abner saw who had called out for help; another penguin, though this one looked much older than any of the others he had encountered so far. There was something else about this one, though; the air about him just seemed to snap, crackle and pop with wisdom.
"Bumpty, my dear boy!" Herringway yelped in a shocked voice. "If you're here...does that mean...?"
"There's no time for explanations, sir," Bumpty said, simultaneously motioning for Abner to come nearer. "I'm going to have this fine young lad, Abner, penguin-back you out. Colonel Karmel knows we're here, and I'm afraid we've already wasted enough time." At this, Abner crouched down so Herringway could scramble on to his back. Despite how frail this old penguin looked, his warmth was unlike anythin Abner had ever felt. Nodding at Bumpty, the two exited the room and continued down the path they had been running down previously.
Shortly, the three turned another corner and saw light issuing out of the end of the hall. Completely out of breath, Bumpty and Abner ran the last leg of their race back into the cold outdoors. Collapsing into the snow, complete out of breath and blinded by the light, none of the three had seen that they had run straight into a circle of onlookers, which had now closed up ranks to block the path they had just come from. Their eyes quickly adjusting to the light, the three saw Colonel Karmel standing directly before them.
"Bumpty, it truly has been far too long," Karmel said, working around the cuban cigar in his beak. "Tell me, what have you been up to during your three years of banishment from Shiver City?"
"Oh, a little of this, a little of that," Bumpty responded politely. "At first I was rather bored, but I've grown accustomed to the isolation and complete whiteness of it all, you know?"
"No, I don't know. It sounds rather like the joys of a foolish old man though, Bumpty."
"Only the most foolish of children underestimate the advantages of old age, my dear Karmel. Perhaps you'll be able to experience it one day. If you're lucky."
"Luck?" laughed Karmel. "When have I ever needed luck? Luck wasn't a factor when I became ruler of Shiver City, nor was it a factor when your wife left you for me, because I was a real penguin, not some useless aphorism spewing fool like yourself."
"No, you're quite right," Bumpty sighed. "Deception and the greed of both yourself and others were what brought you those prizes, along with my own inaction. I would have hoped that in my three year absence you'd have come to show some remorse for your actions, but I see now that that was hopeful to the point of being silly." As Bumpty said this, he drew his treasured spatula from seemingly nowhere once more. All Colonel Karmel could reply with was a humorless laugh.
"Such things are for the weak. But I see that you're too eager to die to want to continue this conversation any further. Very well. Pluckers, bring me my gun that shoots chainsaws, if you please." Giving a terrified little squeak, the same penguin from inside of Via Penguifico entered the circle, carrying a rather large gun.
"Well then...dance!" Colonel Karmel declared, his cigar dangling dangerously from the end of his beak. Pulling the trigger, a chainsaw did indeed inexplicably erupt from within the barrel of the gun and shot directly at group. Bumpty ducked, while Abner, with Herringway still riding on his back, jumped to the side. Immediately, Karmel continued to shoot chainsaws, all of which were directed at Bumpty.
Bumpty, however, deftly dodged each and every one of them. Bobbing, weaving, twisting, curving, loop-de-looping, belly sliding, and break dancing over, under and around each and every chainsaw that came his way, Bumpty suddenly appeared at Karmel's side, but did not attack. This only served to infuriate Karmel more, however, as he fired more and more chainsaws trying to distance himself, despite how easily Bumpty was avoiding them. Within mere moments, Bumpty was again directly beside the chainsaw shooting maniac, this time grabbing his wing with his own.
"Please end this now, I don't want to hurt you," Bumpty said quietly. Wrenching his wing away, Karmel could only stare. Before Karmel could respond, however, another voice from within the nearby crowd hollered out.
"Don't hurt him, please!" Bumpty looked to his right and saw, his heart skipping a beat, his wife Cherry, who had left him for Karmel; he hadn't seen or spoke to her since that day.
"WHORISH WOMAN, GET BACK TO THE HOUSE AND BAKE ME A CHOCOLATE VICTORY CAKE FOR WHEN I GET HOME!" Karmel yelled, more angry than he had ever been in his life, embarassed to be seen this way. Immediately, Cherry stopped, tears flooding her eyes. Bumpty, at a loss for words and still in shock over seeing his ex wife so suddenly, didn't notice that Karmel was slowly backing away with the chainsaw gun pointing directly at Bumpty.
"Look out Bumpty!" Cherry called. Tearing his sights from her, Bumpty reacted instinctively, parrying the oncoming chainsaw with his spatula. The chainsaw flew backwards, and as every eye watched it and knew what was going to happen, it seemed to hang absurdly in mid-air for hours, until finally falling down upon Colonel Karmel, ending the devilish penguin's life in just about as horrible a way as could be imagined.
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the crowd of penguins all erupted into a deafening cheer. Seeing their own oppressor being vanquished before their very eyes, bloodily massacred by his own chainsaw no less, was quite theraputic. Everyone look upon him as some kind of savior, but Bumpty had eyes for only Abner and Herringway. He began to slowly make his way towards them, only to feel someone grab a hold of his shoulder. Turning around, he saw that it was his ex-wife Cherry.
"Bumpty, I'm so sorry about...well, everything," Cherry said. "But please, I'm a different person than I was then. Please, please, I beg you, forgive me for everything I did." Bumpty, having dreamt of this moment for three long years, could only look at her; he looked deep into Cherry's eyes, and they were still the same eyes of the penguin he had fallen in love with all those years ago. However, in his fantasies, things had been different; he had been able to take her back without hesitation, because in the end, wasn't that what love was all about? But now, looking into the eyes of the woman who had both given made him more happy than anything else in the world and more miserable than he had ever thought possible, he found that he couldn't do it.
"You ask me for forgiveness after what you've done? Because of you, colors lost their vibrancy; food has no taste; music is but so much noise. I have lived that half-life for three years now, always wondering what was wrong with me, only to now realize it was not any fault of mine, but yours. And yet I still love you with every ounce of my being; of course I forgive you Cherry. But I will never forget the cruelty you displayed towards me on account of your own woeful ignorance. I loved you more than I thought I could ever love a single person, and yet you threw it all away for a life that you thought would be easier. Even now, you only ask this of me because you fear the uncertainty of your future. What lies ahead for you I do not know, but it's a path that I will never walk upon with you again. Goodbye, Cherry." And he left her standing there by herself, tears flowing freely from her eyes.
Finally making his way over to where Abner and Herringway still stood waiting for him, Bumpty was greeted by smiles from both.
"Abner was just telling me of what you two are setting out to do," Herringway started. "Come with me back to Via Penguifico; I have much to tell you."

Chapter 4: Cold Reception in Shiver City

Soundtrack: Yoshi's Island - 'CrystallineCaverns' by McVaffe

The bitter wind howled over the lifeless body of the Snuffleupagus. It had been hours since the carnage had taken place, and all was still. Suddenly, the body of the Snuffleupagus started to move, slowly but surely; it seemed to be struggling to get up. Then, with a mighty push, hairy beast's body flew feet into the air and came crashing back down a few yards away. Where the body of the Snuffleupagus had just been stood Bumpty, as sure footed as ever, though seemingly a bit dazed.
Blinking rapidly in a vain attempt to assuage the lights popping in front of his eyes, the penguin focused his thoughts to try and remember what had happened. Soon enough, it all came rushing back to him in a flurry of pain and color; Colonel Karmel's personal Snuffleupagus had attacked him and Abner. With a jolt, Bumpty looked about, but could see no sign of the boy's body. Thinking wildly that the Snuffleupagus must have ate the poor child, Bumpty could only look down at the ground in sadness - as always, the only people who ever died were the people he had failed to protect. Drawing his attention, however, were a flurry of penguin prints in the snow, and judging by the trail, they had been dragging something with them; something that was much bigger than any of them. Hope filling his little penguin heart, Bumpty dashed forward to start following the trail. Mere moments later, however, his heart fell once more; the tracks were headed directly towards Shiver City.

Abner tried opening his eyes, but everything remained black. Judging by the feeling on his face, he had a blindfold over his eyes. This coupled with the fact that his body was sore all over and he could apparently not move his hands, struck a panic into his chest the likes of which he had never felt. Surreptitiously trying to move his lower body, he let out a small groan of pain.
"Ahhhh, so our little guest is awake now, goody goody," said a familiar, but unpleasant, voice. "So I bet you're wondering where you are, hmmm, boy? Well, little though I'm sure you realize, you are in my wonderful little burg of a town, Shiver City. Specifically, you are in Via Penguifico, which is where we take those who are naughty for a bit of a proverbial spanking." Abner said nothing in response.
"Hmmmm, does this not fwighten the wittle boy?" the same person asked, this time in a mock baby voice. "Well, we will have to change that, I'm afraid, yes we will. Unless, of course, you're willing to tell me what I want to know."
"Like what?" Abner asked defiantly.
"Such as why you, a human, were found so dangerously close to the outskirts of Colonel Karmel's personal city!" At this, a voice could be heard screaming in the distance. "Pluckers, I thought I told you to keep our other guest quiet for the time being," the voice said with an airy tone.
"Y-y-y-es, Colonel Karmel," the apparent Pluckers hastily responded, and Abner could hear footsteps scurrying away.
"Well boy, care to answer my question?" Colonel Karmel asked as if there had been no interruptions.
Abner carefully weighed his options, but remembering what Bumpty had mentioned to him on the way here, decided he was better off not telling this penguin anything; he shook his head in response.
"Unfortunate, unfortunate," Karmel sighed, though Abner thought he could hear a slightly happy tone to his voice. "So, do you like cookies?"
"Cookies?" Abner repeated, completely confused. "I...well, yeah, I guess."
"Oh, excellent!" Colonel Karmel responded delightedly. "I'll have some made straight away then, and you and I can have a little chat while we delight in their mastication, shall we?" And at that, Karmel's footsteps were heard walking away, and then a heavy door closing.

Knowing that he had little time to work with, Bumpty had been quick in infiltrating Shiver City. Having been one of the heads of security before Colonel Karmel had come into power certainly helped, as he had been able to avoid all the security checkpoints thus far, and was now approaching Via Penguifico at full speed. Before Karmel's reign of terror had begun, Via Penguifico had been Shiver City's greatest achievement; a center of information that was of free access, run by the wise old penguin Herringway. Karmel's first act in achieving power, however, had been to destroy all of the books and other relics of knowledge inside of Via Penguifico, claiming that free thoughts and information could only lead to fear, and that Shiver City would be much happier without it. To prove his point, he had turned it into his own personal torture chamber, where all unruly penguins were taken, and in all cases never seen again. Hardly any of the residents seemed to note this cruel irony, and if they did, they kept it to themselves in fear for the safety of themselves and their families.

Abner was now in a full blown panic. Fear and hopelessness spread throughout the entirety of his being; even if he could escape now, where would he go? He had lost not only his guide through this strange place, but his friend. And now he was stuck in a village of talking penguins, tied up and being interrogated by the leader of them, who apparently had a liking of cookies. Just as this thought ran through Abner's head, he heard the heavy door opening once more, and the smell of masterfully baked chocolate chip cookies pervaded his sense of smell. Immediately, his mouth began to water.
"Sorry for the delay, but I figured you wouldn't mind the extra wait for just a hint of cinnamon in these cookies, and our supply was all the way in the basement," Colonel Karmel said pleasantly. "Oh dear, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot about that blindfold, you'll have to excuse me, I'd lose my beak if it wasn't attached." Chortling at his own joke, Karmel walked over to where Abner was still captive and removed the blindfold. Having been in complete darkness for so long, Abner expected his eyes to be blinded by sudden brightness, but to his surprise found nothing of the sort; this room he was in was metallic and completely rusted a reddish brown on every surface. It was barely any less dark than the blindfold had been.
Colonel Karmel had already picked up the plate of cookies again and was walking back to where Abner was forced to hang by his arms by the time the boy noticed him. Taking the penguin's appearance in, Abner noticed that it was nearly as cute as Bumpty was, thought with a slightly greener tint to him as opposed to Bumpty's blue coat. Other than that, Abner could see no other air of menace about this penguin, and indeed, the sight of him holding a plate of freshly baked, still deliciously soft chocolate chip cookies made the sight of this supposed evil penguin dictator quite pleasant and welcoming.
"Oh, you must like cookies a lot more than you let on earlier, with that kind of look in your eye," Colonel Karmel said with a grin as he noticed Abner hungrily looking at the plate of delightful goodies. Taking one from the plate, Karmel brought it within centimeters of Abner's mouth, letting the smell waft directly up into his nostrils. As Abner opened his mouth to take a bite, Karmel pulled the cookie back.
"Now now, that's not good manners," he sad sadly. "I'm offering you cookies, and you won't even tell me why you're here, by yourself?" Abner considered the situation for a moment; he was starving, and aside from the fact that he was hanging from the ceiling by his arms, this penguin didn't seem so bad. And, of course, those cookies seemed to be a gift from the God of Delicious Delights. Even as he thought this, Abner could see the aforementioned God, with his crown made of funnel cake and sceptre made of deep fried twinkies, standing in front of his oven in the clouds made of cotton candy, pulling these very cookies out. Letting his cupcake angels taste these perfect cookies and receiving their enthusiastic approval, the God of Delicious Delights started walking towards the windowsill to let the cookies cool, when he tripped over his puppy made of licorice, sending the cookies flying from this candy rapture, and landing directly onto the plate that this strange penguin was now offering him. And then, Abner again remembered what Bumpty had said to him, and the pain that was on that poor penguin's face as he had spoken the words. Though every part of his being was screaming for just one bite of cookie, Abner once more shook his head. Colonel Karmel considered the boy for a moment, rage building up inside of him. And as Abner looked upon this penguin, he could now see the angry dictator that he had been told of.
"FINE, HAVE MY COOKIES," Karmel screamed in the most frightening voice Abner had ever heard. And at that, the penguin took the cookie he was holding and smeared it all across the boy's face. Agony such as he had never known erupted all over his face, as the just melted chocolate that he had so once desired mere moments ago now became his greatest torturer, its melty deliciousness now burning his face like freshly spewed magma. Before the pain could even begin to recede, Colonel Karmel applies another cookie, and then another, and a fourth for good measure.
Abner could not take anymore, surely he was going to die; a death at the hands of one of the things he loved the most. But it didn't matter to him now, the pain was unreal, beyond anyone's physical limitations. Even he, who loved being alive, who had always been aware of how much of a miracle his own body was and was happy just to have the ability to breathe, now screamed for the release of death, and for his mother. At this, Colonel Karmel stopped applying the cookies, apparently satisfied with the results he had garnered.
"Well, if that's what you really want..." the penguin began, now not even attempting to hide the pure joy in his voice. Before anything else could happen, however, a huge rocking shook the ground where they stood.
"What...?" Karmel started, and immediately ran off to inspect the quake.
Abner, still hanging pathetically, had no curiosity about the rumblings; he had been pushed to both his mental and physical limit, and now he felt that almost nothing was left in his life to fight for. It didn't matter whether he lived or died here, so long as he didn't have to suffer anymore. Before he could expound anymore on these thoughts, he heard a noise.
"Abner, my dear boy!" another familiar voice said, though this one brought a feeling of warmth with it. Struggling to look up, Abner saw, barely daring to believe his eyes, the sight of Bumpty. Before he could get over this shock, Bumpty was already releasing him from his confines, and suddenly he was free once more. Before either of them could speak, Abner embraced the penguin, and held him tighter than he had ever held anything in his life. Letting go, he looked at Bumpty and saw, to his embarassment, the penguin's eyes were filled with tears.
"Yes, well," umpty started, clearly flustered. "We haven't much time, we must make haste."

Chapter 3: Snuffleupagus' Rampage

Soundtrack: Donkey Kong Country - 'Chekan Winter' by Prophecy

It was a new day, and after a few hour rest, Abner had explained to Bumpty his plight of trying to find Santa Claus, and the two were now making their way towards Shiver City.
"So, what exactly is Shiver City?" Abner asked. "Now I come to think about it, I never heard of penguins at the north pole."
"Ah, well that is what Shiver City was designed for my dear boy," Bumpty replied. "We of course didn't want human beings to find a subspecies of penguins who had intelligence on par or even surpassing most of their own. All of the bippitying and the boppitying that the humans would cause? Not desired, not desired at all. Of course, isolation from the rest of the world caused some of us to get thoughts in their head of grandeur, as most civilizations tend to do." Abner simply responded with a confused look.
"You are too young to understand, my boy. There are two kinds of leaders in this world - those who actively seek the role of leader, and are therefore bound to drown beneath their own corruption because of their own short-sighted desires, and those who shy away from leadership, and for that very reason find that they are exceptionally good at it. And Shiver City was no exception; they elected Colonel Karmel, who though promised to bring our kind to a new age of peace and tranquility, ended up being the cruelest of dictators. He excommunicated me from Shiver City three years ago, though I suppose it was all for the better being that had I not been I wouldn't have been there to rescue you."
Abner thought this newfound information over. A civilization of talking penguins wasn't that hard to swallow for some reason, but a dictator penguin named Colonel Karmel seemed to be taking the whole concept a step too far. He was about to ask Bumpty how they were supposed to talk to the village elder, when suddenly, the sky darkened. Before Abner could do anything more than note this oddity to himself, Bumpty had already pushed him with all his might out of the way as what seemed to be a giant furry redwood landed exactly where the boy had been standing a mere second before. Looking upwards Abner saw that it wasn't a tree at all, but a living, breathing creature.
"BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRD!" the monster moistly spewed with a roar that shook that ground.
"A wooly mammoth!?" Abner shouted to no one in particular.
"No, it's Karmel's personal Snuffleupagus," Bumpty called back. "He must have sent this as my welcome back present." Looking into the beast's face, Abner realized that it was indeed a bigger, more ferocious looking Snuffleupagus than he had known from his childhood watchings of Sesame Street. A cracked out, 70's nightmareified Snuffleupagus, if you will.
"WANT BIIIIIIIIIIRD!" the Snuffleupagus yelled more angrily this time as he swung his trunk. Bumpty deftly avoided the attack, jumping on top of the still moving appendage. He ran up it, and as from nowhere, pulled a spatula out and stabbed the Snuffleupagus square in the eye. Instead of the usual blood and eye juices, however, rainbows and kittens made of candy erupted from the optical wound, pouring all over the scene.
The monstrosity gave a great deafening shriek of agony as it shook its head with all its might to get rid of the Bumpty infestation problem attacking its face. Though the penguin's strength was certainly nothing to sneeze at, the shaking Snuffleupagus head had the force of seven and a half creepy, fully moustached strongmen at your local circus. As Bumpty was thrown into the air, the Snuffleupagus trunk smacked him like a child at a birthday party who had given up the blindfold as a bad job and went straight at the pinata with reckless abandon. The poor penguin flew several meters away and was still.
Still roaring in pain, the Snuffleupagus started to move over to where Bumpty's unconscious body lay, perhaps to continue the savage beating, or maybe just to even eat him. Abner, knowing he had only one chance left, leapt to his feet and ran towards the lazy, slow moving Snuffleupagus. Getting underneath the great beast, Abner did the only thing that came to his mind; with a great shout of "SHORYUKEN!!!", the boy pulled off one of the sweeter Street Fighter moves in such a style that it would have made Ken and Ryu as green as Blanka with envy, had either of them both been around to witness it and been real in the first place. Luckily, Abner had hit the Snuffleupagus in its one weak spot; his oft-overlooked Snuffleupagus nipple. The beast stopped immediately in its tracks, and with one mighty lurch, fell over right on top of Bumpty, its trunk landing on top of Abner as well, pinning him down.
Try as hard as he could, Abner simply could not muster the strength to get out from underneath the grand and majestic Snuffleupagus trunk, and soon heard footsteps approaching.
"Welly welly well," a gruff voice spoke. "Looks like Colonel Karmel has bagged himself a human this time, right m'boys?" An outburst of sycophantic guffaws were the response. "Knock him out and bring him back to Via Penguifico."
At this, Abner saw a group of penguins approaching from his peripheral vision, and a few moments later, everything was black.

Chapter 2: Bumpty

Soundtrack: Donkey Kong Country - 'ChristmasCave' by deim0s

It seemed to Abner that he had been walking for days, and for all he knew he really could have been, as the sun didn't set for a couple more months. This, coupled with the fact that Abner had forgot to wear his watch, made judging time in this place very difficult. Still, he kept walking, occasionally checking his compass to make sure he was still headed north.
To top it off, the isolation was starting to get to him. Abner had known it was going to be a lonely journey, but he hadn't counted on just how alone he would feel. With only his bitter regrets and unpleasant thoughts as company, he yearned to have something to distract him as he walked on and on. As it was, the only distraction he had was the occasional ominous cracking sound of having stepped on thin ice, which was never much of a happy surprise. Still, he had been lucky so far in having not slipped in yet, as he could not imagine just how cold he would be if such a thing were to happen.
Walking on and on, Abner started to think of the people and things he had left behind him to come on this quest. His pet duck, Ducky McDuckles, was the first that came to mind; oh, how he loved Ducky McDuckles! But even more important than his duck companion were his group of friends; surely they of all people would have understood his desire to come here, even if they had thought it pointless. They all would have volunteered themselves to come with him, Abner was sure of it. But how could he ask the people he loved to go on this most perilous of adventures with him? No, maybe it was better that he had went alone. And his poor mother; he hadn't even been able to say goodbye to her before he left, not wanting her to know his plan.
Tears abruptly filled Abner's eyes, and he began to run. He ran to try and temporarily relieve himself from this pain, but it didn't work. Still, he kept running and running, running with no real purpose, no purpose aside from getting to whatever destination he was headed towards faster. In his desire to escape everything, Abner hadn't noticed over his heavy breathing that the ice he was now stepping on was starting to crack, the horrible sound getting louder and louder, until suddenly, he stepped on to a spot that broke away completely, and he took the coldest plunge he had ever felt in his life.
His whole body froze up immediately, every ounce of his being screaming in agonizing protest as the icy cold water tore at him from all sides. Abner couldn't think, his body wouldn't move, and his backpack was dragging him ever deeper. He was going to die here, drowned at the north pole, and no one would ever find him, ever know why a young boy had been here by himself, because there was no one here to help him.
Suddenly, Abner felt a weight pulling him upwards, and before he knew it, he was hitting the surface of the water, and then unceremoniously tossed back on to the ice. He heard a splash, meaning that his savior had just come out of the icy depths, and was now dragging him towards a more solid ground. Still finding it hard to even breathe, let alone move, Abner let this stranger have complete control of him; he was just thankful to be alive.
The stranger lightly let Abner go, but Abner could still hear him moving forward. Within a minute, he heard the crackling sound of a fire, and then he was being dragged towards its warmth. Finally realizing how cold he was, Abner laid next to the fire in absolute silence, trying to gather as much warmth from it as he could. After what could have been either a few short minutes or many long hours, Abner slowly rose himself up into a sitting position, and saw, with a start, that his rescuer was not a human, but rather the cutest penguin he had ever seen in his life, which was saying something, because looking up pictures of cute penguins was a favorite hobby of his.
"You...you s-saved me?" Abner asked incredulously.
"Always the tone of surprise with you humans," the penguin replied, though warmly.
"But, but, how...?"
"My dear boy," the penguin laughed. "Do you ask a fish why it swims?"
Abner shook his head.
"Or a bird why it flies?"
Again, Abner shook his head.
"No siree you don't. They do it because they were born to do it. Just like Bumpty, yours truly, was born to help those in need. And you definitely don't look like you were born to tread the dangers of the north pole my lad. So, tell me why you're so far from home by yourself."

Chapter 1: Awakening On a Distant Shore

Soundtrack: The Great Giana Sisters - 'Epic Diva' by Zeratul


The universe was completely still. As far as he knew, "he" was simply nothing at all, merely a series of thoughts floating in a vast expanse of nothingness. Soon, however, he heard the sounds of both the wind and a slow moving tide, and to top it off, he felt the combination of the stinging bite of cold on his exposed face and the pleasant sensation of the warm rays of sun hitting his body. Still, he lay on on the cold, hard surface, not wanting to remember where he was, why he was there, or even who he was; as uncomfortable as he currently was, just being able to forget everything, no matter for how brief a period of time, was a transcendental experience that he for some reason knew he would never be able to partake in again. Just as inevitably as a summer vacation draws to a close and the dreaded arrival of school and all of its unpleasantness looms in the horizon, however, wave after wave of returning realization crashed against the young boy's heart.
He was Abner, a 15 year old boy from an unimportant, insignificant part of the United States, and he currently had a self-imposed mission to complete - to find Santa Clause. He had left home in a hurry, not daring to tell anyone he knew of his admittedly insane quest, lest he be mollycoddled and told he was just desperate in light of the circumstances, or worse, carted off to some kind of clinic. He didn't need to hear how illogical it all sounded, he himself had known this from the beginning. Maybe he was desperate, but if he was desperate enough and believed in the idea hard enough, surely he would get what he wanted. Admittedly, he had given up believing in Santa Clause when he was still in elementary school, but the times and circumstances changed. Remembering all of this now, Abner opened his eyes.
The sight that greeted him was not an unpleasant one. True, it was desolate and there wasn't a living creature in sight, but the purity of it all struck Abner as quite enchanting, and a complete departure from the gray and brown life of the midwest. In front of him, there were structures of ice that rivaled the highest of buildings from his small hometown, and behind him there were more of these, separated, however, by large and not-so-large expanses of the bluest water he had ever seen. If not for the circumstances of him being there, Abner thought it would have been quite the nice place to be. Now, however, was not the time for sight-seeing, regardless of the beauty of this natural wonder. He stood up slowly, tightened the harness of his backpack, and set off walking in the only direction available to him.